Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
