he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
