Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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