R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
