Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
