im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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