I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
