____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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