Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Still dying that you shit outside
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
