someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
