i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
