Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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