I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The uberlube is also flammable
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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