**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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