apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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