My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
