I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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