8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
