dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
