the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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