She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
