You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
