capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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