i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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