I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
