i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's rum buckets o'clock
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
