Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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