So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
