I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She needs sedatives and a leash
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
