capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
