I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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