Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
