you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
