ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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