The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
