just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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