in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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