I showed him my bush... on skype.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
