I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
