you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
