new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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