I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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