yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
