Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Screwed.edu
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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