U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
