Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
nutella sex= disaster
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
