God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
