just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
