I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i would punch a child for taco bell
You can't special order awesome
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
