Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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