the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
