Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
