A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
