there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
