He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
