do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
