seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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