He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Green mimosas i think yes
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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