it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Who put my cat in the fridge?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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