i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
