You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
