we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
