he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
