Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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