Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
