sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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