dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
