Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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