Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
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Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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