my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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