I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
