Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
