My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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