I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
