Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
